I received a package in the mail yesterday. I knew what it was and that I shouldn't open it. But I couldn't help myself. The package contained the electronic files of my wedding photos (YES! YES! YES!!) ... which I've been planning to not look at until the end of my no-mirrors project (NO! NO! NO!).
Back when I was establishing "the rules," YOU FOLKS decided by vote that I could look at my wedding photos (if I wanted to). Then my sister promised to throw me a huge party at the end of the project if I could resist looking at my wedding photos until the very end.
I love my sister. She's SO COOL! Plus, Hanna and her boyfriend, Nick, throw the BEST parties. So when she challenged me to this, I just knew that I should try my hardest. I felt even more certain once I started experiencing blissful glimmers of positive body image and renewed focus on my values. Why miss out on a fab party and risk back-tracking over a bunch of stupid pictures, right? Yeah. That's what I thought too, until the stupid pictures arrived.
I was very good for 2 hours. Michael is out of town this week for work, so I couldn't ask him to hide the box from me. I tried to hide it from myself by shoving it in a random drawer in my bathroom dresser. Somehow - I don't know how - I managed to find it a few hours later. Then I opened the box, and caught a first glimpse of a forbidden photo when I saw the customized cover of our Wedding DVD Slideshow. Lookin' good! I thought, but then, Hanna is going to be so pissed! I stopped myself from snooping any further, but it was really hard.
Then today I met up with Hanna for lunch. Over a healthy feast of vegetarian bolani's, I casually mentioned that the wedding photos had arrived, prepared to guiltily confess my peek at the DVD cover. Here's how it went down:
KJ: So.... the wedding photos arrived yesterday... (guilty)
Hanna: Oh yeah? Nice! How do they look?!? (excited)
KJ: Ummm... I'm not supposed to be looking at them, remember? (confused)
Hanna: Oh, right. I forgot about that. Whatever. (nonchalant)
Whatever? Right! Whatever! Suddenly "whatever" became the appropriate attitude, and it was all the encouragement/forgiveness/permission I needed. Party be damned! I'll throw my own party!
|Sadly, Diesel slept through the party. |
Here, in order of events, are my favorites!
|My bridesmaids immediately got to work covering the mirrors in our dressing room.|
|Paper Towels + Tape = Success!|
|Michael's sister, Mandy, adds the finishing touches to my makeup. Ooh la la!|
|Yes, two dresses. (Duh!)|
|And two pairs of shoes. (Double-duh!)|
|Hanna helps me into my dress. What a cool sister moment.|
|With heels like these, better safe than sorry. Thanks Liz and Hanna!|
|Meanwhile, Michael gets ready in the dude-room.|
|Michael and the groomsmen all wore custom kicks!|
|My brother, Peter, fixes Michael's boutonniere. Now they both have a brother!|
|I dash off (with a little help) to meet Michael for our "first look".|
|I'm sure the suspense was killing him!|
|Here I am! I love you. :)|
|Ceremony time! The barrels marked the spot.|
|Our programs, Nick's hands. Hanna - your boyfriend rocked the usher thing.|
|15 minute delay while multiple guests help my dad tie his bow-tie. Oops!|
|Finally - time to get the show on the road!|
|My dad and I share a moment on our way down the aisle. (note: abandoned bow-tie)|
|Michael cried. I told him he'd better!|
|Kisses from mom, high-five from dad!|
|What a beautiful day! Our pastor, Tania Haber, was my mom's best friend in childhood.|
|Isn't my mom beautiful? I love her smile.|
|I think I look really pretty! And HAPPY!|
|My dress was great. I felt comfortable and confident, no Spanx necessary!|
|My bouquet was exactly what I wanted. So beautiful.|
|I'm pretty sure this one will end up on my grandparents' fridges.|
|Ummm.... can you say hottie? I'm married to this guy!!|
|Our wedding party. I can't express how important these friends have been in our lives.|
|We sprinted into the reception to "Eye of the Tiger". Yes, I wore my heels!|
We did a chest-bump, and then ran around getting high-fives from our guests.
|Lots of wonderful toasts....|
|... and one particularly memorable "toast" |
(from my "secular fairy godparents" and my "secular-fairy-godsister," Sarah)
|Outfit change! Thanks for all the wardrobe assistance, Laila!|
|A few moments before our 1st dance. Awkward shot, I know... but I look so fabulous!|
|First dance, to Clem Snide's "I'll Be Your Mirror" (sorry for the overkill!)|
|My dad and I got teary-eyed dancing to "On My Wedding Day" by Don Henley.|
|Apparently my mom cried like a baby the whole time...|
|Michael and his mom totally rocked out to Rod Stewart's "Forever Young"|
|Cake! Politely served... Soon demolished!|
|A final dramatic shot to end the night. MARRIED! FUN! FABULOUS!|
Well, those are my wedding photos. I do feel a little bad that I didn't wait for Michael to get back from his business trip, but hopefully he'll read this blog post from Mexico and enjoy them as much as I have!
I'll know more in the coming weeks, but I'm optimistic that viewing these photos won't be too much of a set-back on my journey toward greater self-acceptance. If anything, it's relieved a bit of paranoia about what I looked like that day. That said... I'm feeling quite vain at the moment! Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself away from the computer in time for bed.